"Hmmm...that's not what i thought i'd see"

So I went to the Doc's office thinking that it was going to be a simple little incision, he'd pull out a little sack full of liquid with some tweezers, i'd be stitched up and on my way.

There was a cute, young intern shadowing my doctor that week. He seemed a little nervous, so i was surprised that i got to be his lesson on how to extract a Bible Bump...but they had deadened my knee pretty good, so i wasn't concerned. What made the whole thing a little uncomfortable is hearing the doc's narration of the entire procedure!
"ok, we make a cut here"
"ok"
"i'm pulling this open...stretch it more"
"ok..."
"Hmmm...that's not what i thought i'd see" says the Doc.
"uh...what is it that you see?" says I.
"the muscle....lets pull this aside to see if its under there."

Then there was major tugging, prying, mashing....i still thought that he was getting to some sort of under-the-skin blister. There was a moment that i felt some pressure "give way" and he said "there it is" and i was sure that something had "popped". Who knows what that actually was, but i wasn't aware of what was going on. It was little painful, probably made worse by the play-by-play and all the man-handling. He did say that he was going to send it off for a biopsy, but i assumed that was standard for anything that is extracted via an incision! I still had no concern like i feel the doc did at this point.

For some reason, i glanced at the goop he scraped out. I think maybe i expected to see a little grape-like nodule sitting there- a neat little package of blistery pus. I was surprised to see what i now know is Cancer. I saw it; it looked back at me. It was ugly.

I was asked to come back in 3 days so they could "look at my stitches" (oh yeah, the intern got a lesson in stitchery that day, too. i'm so glad i couldn't feel what they were doing!) I took Tready with me, be-bopping in there with my cute pink Houston Roller Derby tshirt on, having a great day....and i got blindsided with "I've got some news you aren't going to want to hear...."

Where do you go from there?
I prayed real fast; and kept on praying as he said "sarcoma" "2nd opinion" "MD Anderson" and some other sounds that blurred together. Tready was with me, so i didn't want to loose it. I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch after that appointment...i had to keep my cool...I tried to focus on what he was saying, trying to write it down...thinking "how in the hell do you spell sarcoma?!?" I managed, until i got outside to the porch swing. Tready said "Doctors are bad"...they made mama cry. ( now,we're teaching him that "Doctors are our friends"...especially the ones in "the city" at MDAnderson. )

So here we are..waiting again. There were weeks of waiting for MD Anderson's second opinion. Then there was another 10 days of waiting for an appointment there. I just went down for the tests last week.

During that time, i contacted many people, mostly family and some friends that i knew could "spread the word". Other friends, especially those of you who i haven't caught up with in awhile, I couldn't bring myself to call with such a downer of a conversation. I also wanted to be 100% sure before i dropped the "C" bomb. My apologies to those who felt out of the loop. I also just had days that i was sick of talking/thinking about it.

Hence my blog: i really want those of you who are interested to be up to date on the "haps". I've been surprised at how much i enjoy this, anyway...its very cathartic.

....and its addictive. its way past my bedtime...
more later.