I've been in a funk all day. Once I realized it wasn't actually another Monday, i thought about all the potential downers causing my mood. No wonder it felt like Monday all day!
I've skipped a few work-outs and my laundry is ridiculously piled high ( 3 weeks worth).
I found out yesterday that a friend has been mad at me for some time and just now wants to clear the air.
My kid asserts independence at an alarmingly more regular rate than i've prepared for.
My dog has allergies that make him itch, scratch and bite all the time and make us have to buy him expensive vitamins and expensive dog-food.
My flowerbed is overgrown with weeds. My plants wintering indoors are dying.
I have several looming art projects that i can't seem to find the time for.
I've neglected returning emails, phone calls and blogging.
My car likes to start whenever it damn well feels like it. Maybe the first time....maybe the 13th time. Whenever. Even after we shelled out over $400 to "repair the problem".
All of the above has made me more than a little irritable.
Hmmm.....what else? There is probably other crap, but i'm too tired to reminisce about crappiness.
Isn't this quite the uplifting blog? Sorry. Maybe I'll add a little comic relief towards the end.
THEN i realized that perhaps subconsciously i might be bothered by the fact that i have to get up at FIVE a.m to go to MD Anderson for a 3 month check-up TOMORROW. I really hadn't thought much about it, other than to make arrangements for Lil T, but maybe its been underlying my crappy mood. I mean, I am never caught up with my laundry and have pretty much learned to live with it.
After putting my finger on this, i realized that its not only a check-up for my health but also for my mental status. Here's where the major disappointment begins: I'm doing exactly what i didn't want to happen, and that is to carry on as if nothing ever happened.
Example: today a lady told me that her daughter was going to have a second biopsy and that cancer may have spread to her lymph nodes. Her daughter is 31. All i could think to say was "Sucks, huh?" (i didn't say it, though....just thought it.) Where was all the wisdom that my experience was supposed to impart on me? What good did it do if i can't even offer consoling words to someone.....?! Perhaps i'd have more to say if i knew this lady a little better....and maybe i still have some more reflecting to do. Maybe i lapsed into not thinking/reflecting for some time now and this appointment tomorrow is a little wake up call. Damn.
Well, where is the comic relief in this downer post? Here are some pictures i took on my last visit to MDA and never got around to posting.
This is what happens when you have to wait for hours for an appointment. I had been up since 5:00 am, appointments starting at 8:30 am. This appointment was scheduled for 2:30...notice the clock:
This is what happens when the patient gets bored waiting in the doctors office:
I touched things i wasn't supposed to. SEE:
I knew it seemed ridiculous, but i was soooooo bored and had read everything available in the room. What seemed ridiculous eventually seemed very funny...and tempting.
Can I get the hell out of here yet?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
SPOILER ALERT: Downer post (with a little comic relief at the end.)
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2 comments:
I know what you mean about normal stuff getting you down. Yesterday I was having a horrible day, so I was really mad that Matt's clothes were all over the floor. They're always all over the floor--and I love him so! And also, don't be so hard on yourself about not being able to summon the wisdom that truly can only come with experiencing something that tests you. Even if you wrote a million hallmark cards while you were going through your cancer ordeal, you couldn't have adequately consoled someone who "oh crap!" just found out they had cancer, too. You were a real warrior for a long time and it is OK to go back to life as usual for as long as you want because it might be just what you need.
Besides, you are so highly awesome and a wonderful friend and people love you!
As for your car, I recommend kicking. :)
XOXO.
My mother attributes most things to fear. Think about it. Then there is that enemy, comparision. The falacy of comparision is that perception of others is based on the exterior. Ever see a shiny apple and bite into it and it's bruised?
Well, that's not you! You, my dear are shiny all through.
So, embrace imperfection! Our frailities unite us. Our challenges humble us. Our triumphs give us strength to ride the next wave.
Surf's up! Go to the mental beach and breathe in, breathe out, and repeat.
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