Subtle Significances

Today i returned my handy "picker-upper" to its home in the closet. It was invaluable to me weeks ago, when i couldn't kneel down to pick things up, or balance with crutches and try to reach for something. It was during that time i wanted to come up with a holster of sorts-- so that i'd have it on my person at all times.



The Picker-Upper-Holster never happened, so i'd just move it from place to place, as needed. Eventually, I'd forget where i had used it last because it had been so long since i'd needed it. Today, after searching for it, so i could reach for a little toddler-sized sock behind the dryer, i realized that things are actually starting to seem pretty NORMAL again.


Here's another thing that has changed. Since April, something i always had with me was my "Cancer Notebook". This sticker was given to me by one of my Roller Derby sisters...(it bolstered my bravery on many a day). It was always in my purse, by the computer, bedside or somewhere within reach. I kept notes from Doctor's calls, wrote down appointments or scribbled down questions that might pop into my head at any given moment.

I just put it away on the shelf because its been so long...weeks, at least...since i've referred to it.





Best for last: sometimes i find myself walking along without consciously thinking about walking along. No more "Heel, toe, lift" mantras running through my head, or making sure i have something to lean on "just in case".



My left leg works differently now, but at least it works. It's hard to describe what it feels like, but i'll give it a shot: You know when you "need" to pop your knuckles, neck or knee? It feels like there is a bubble or something in there, and an adjustment will make it go away.

The area outside my knee feels like there is a big bubble inside it, and i've gotten used to it being there without feeling like it needs to get popped and go away. Its not exactly that way, but that's as close as anything i can think to compare it with.


Then there are the ligaments and tendons that got rearranged. That has created some tightness and numbness in areas. Amazingly enough, i've gotten used to this, too. The left outside of my foot and calf are numb, as is an area on my thigh. I can feel the tendons stretching when i'm walking or working out, more so than in my other leg...The Good Leg.



Sometimes, when i am walking, i compare how each leg feels. The Good Leg is the Old Me: just going along like it's supposed to, not really noticing how awesome it is that everything works like it should.



My Bad Leg is the New Me: i notice every movement of every step. Bad Leg isn't as strong as it used to be, but we're working our hardest to make it the best that it can be. Every step is a valuable step...weak or strong.