Haunting Thoughts

As i pass my time at home before S-Day, a thought keeps occurring that i can't ignore. What began as a mild muse has become a nagging, annoying concern: "Am i going to be able to do this after surgery?"

Its popped up when i'm working in my flowerbeds, while squatting down to play with Tready or to pick up the Legos for the millionth time. What about dancing, or skating, which i both LOVE! Bending over to pick up the perpetual supply of dog-hair-collections in the corner, or finding worms for Tready. Then, more recently, its popped up in Yoga class.

Then, of course, there's the shoe attachment i have. I find myself staring longingly at some of my favorite fancy shoes, wondering if i'll ever get to a point where function will surpass fashion and i won't care if i'm destined to wear flats for the rest of my days....its hard to imagine at the moment.

Doctors have said that after healing, i should*.......

* slight ADD/crazy-mom-moment distraction; i just had to run out of the room because i heard the Squirrel Nut Zippers on SESAME STREET!! If there is a question in anyone's mind that Sesame Street isn't as good as it used to be (i've heard some peops hate Elmo, and think S.S has gone downhill---hrmph!!) its better!! That was AWESOME and worth running into the kitchen for. They were in an old bar looking set called "Birdland" and were singing "Put a Lid on It" to a bald muppet who kept exchanging pot lids and hats on his head. The lead singer was so preggars she's about to pop, yet elegant in pink velvet. And now, back to our regularly scheduled program...

....where was i? oh yes: i've been told that i can "be active", "good as new" and "back to skating in no time" by the docs. This will be after months of physical therapy. I'm skeptical.

The thing is, despite my "disregard" for my physical health in earlier years, i have somehow managed to stay in really good shape. There were about 5 years, while i was teaching that i got a little lumpy, but i've gotten back (thanks to a year 1/2 of Roller Derby). Somehow thru collge years i managed to maintain health by riding my bike to school, but that's really all i did physically...( unless i could include the act of lifting cans of frosty beverages from table to mouth, up, down, up, down, up, down...there was some of that.) Aside from occassional go's at aerobics classes or videos, i've never been consistant enough to consider myself athletic, by any means. I've quit more activities than i've excelled in. In fact, i often lean toward laziness. The main thing keeping me from that rut now is my newfound passion to make the most of my time ( not that i won't still see the value in laying around for a good ole' movie(s) day...)

So, its a wonder that i find myself at 36 feeling in the best shape i've ever been in. Youth and good genes (thanks mom & dad!) were on my side before...now i've got Tready and my outdoor hobbies (sans bike, temporarily...blasted!) I've hung up my skates for the time being and that left a void.

I think i may have found just what i need in Yoga...I've been to my first 2 classes this week, early in the morn, and its great! I love the quiet time and stretching, getting the blood flowing. Breathing deep feels good and healthy, and when i leave there i am energized and ready to start the day. Best of all, not only will i be able to eventually get back into it after surgery, i think it will really help me to return to my current state of flexibility...or at least, as close as i'll be able to get to it. I love ya, Roller Derby, but i can't say the same for you.

To those nagging thoughts questioning my physical fate: I'm still going to be able to walk. I'm still going to be able to spend time with my family. I'm still going to be able to enjoy nature, friends, art, food, books, music, comedy and yes--frosty adult bevvies! So what if i may not be able to wear my favorite high heel shoes or sit in a lotus position? I'll still be kicking!!!